As nurses and healthcare professionals working in the world of medicine, it’s all too common for us to experience patient deaths. But what happens when it’s a colleague who dies?
Whether expected or unexpected, we’ve all likely needed time to recover from the death of a patient who was personally meaningful to us. Not all deaths are the same, and every time we grieve, that grief may be somewhat different – and somewhat similar-- from the last time we went through this universal passage.
It’s likely that not all of us have suffered the loss of a colleague, but since death eventually visits us all and many of us have professional lives lasting decades, the chances are relatively high of a colleague dying at some point in our career.
Back in the first decade of the century, I was deeply involved in work with underserved communities where HIV and AIDS were common. At that time, there was a local doctor who had dedicated his life to improving the health of those infected. His dedication and compassion were so deep that he chose to periodically take various antiretroviral medications so that he could feel the side effects and more fully understand his patients’ symptoms and complaints.
Some years ago, the story emerged that this heartfelt yet difficult work had taken its toll on his mental health and family. Those who knew him well already had a sense of his psycho-emotional struggles. One night, without informing anyone of his intentions, this kind and highly successful doctor slit his own throat and violently ended his own life. Needless to say, the news reverberated throughout the community and beyond, and patients and colleagues alike reeled from the shock.
Suicide among physicians is all too common. These individuals go through enormous amounts of education, incur significant debt, and are frequently faced with difficult work conditions, the suffering of patients, and a feeling of hopelessness when patients cannot be helped in the way we desire. Healthcare can be unforgiving in its relentlessness, and we have to steel ourselves for the hard times, whatever our position or responsibilities.
Healthcare providers – including nurses – are not always so skilled at making sufficient investments in personal wellness. Like anyone else, we have diabetes, stress, mental illness, hypertension, cancer, HIV, or other conditions, and our personal struggles are deeply personal. And when we experience loss, we need support as much as the next person experiencing the throes of grief.
If you lose a beloved colleague, some forms of self-care are essential for you to move through your grieving journey on the way to healing; these include but are not limited to:
The pursuit of healing is universal and one of the most important activities that we can engage in as human beings. When we have the strength to embrace our own grief, loss, vulnerability, and recovery, it can empower us to help our patients even more when they’re facing life’s most difficult moments.